When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
