I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
