If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
