The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
