Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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