it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize