The maid of honor just puked.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
