You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
