you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Come on in and take your pants off
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