Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
