Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
