Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
