my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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