So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
