Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
