Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
