I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
