You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
