My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
