im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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