apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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