:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
