thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
