He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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