i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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