Do vagina's smell?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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