Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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