We need to start having sex underwater more often.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
