its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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