so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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