whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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