I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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