..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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