Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
