I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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