I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
