apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
