Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
