I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
