College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
