By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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