Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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