HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize