Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
