im drinking this country out of the recession.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
