i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
