I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
