Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
