you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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