i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize