why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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