8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
