I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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