Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
