It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
