my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
