The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
