bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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