what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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