You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
