It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize