I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
