I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
