Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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