Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
