4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We left an ass print on the piano.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
