Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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